urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bettyshouseHouse of Betty-nessSex, Slaves and Soufflesbettyshouse2008-12-18T04:01:30Zurn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bettyshouse:14605Merry Christmas, Baby2008-12-18T04:01:30Z2008-12-18T04:01:30ZSo Louis and I are both poor as hell, and decided to not exchange Christmas gifts. But we talked about how we are going to spend the holiday, and figured out the we will be alone on Christmas Day afternoon, all night and into the day after until I have to go to work. So, I decided to drive over there after my son goes to his dad's, but I am going to do it wearing my black corset, stockings, heels and other goodies under my full-length vintage bunny rabbit coat. Stick a bow on my head and call it good-I'm his Christmas present this year! HAHAHAHA!urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bettyshouse:14591Drama bullshit2008-12-09T15:49:18Z2008-12-09T15:49:18ZSo I wake up about 1am to ghetto birds flying REALLY close over my place. Over and over again. Then I hear cops all over the place, even a K-9 sniffing around right outside MY DOOR, for christ's sake. I drift back off to sleep, carefully, then about 2:30 there is a pounding on my door. I wake up really freaked out, obviously, and answer it to a very nice young cop (sorry, Lolita-he was busy, otherwise I would have given him your email) telling me that they have an idiot with a fucking GUN holed up in an apartment on the other side of the complex, which is about a few hundred feet away from the back wall of the bedroom of my place. (Where my son sleeps....!) The cop advises me to move my son and possibly even leave for the night, just to be safe. Obviously they were expecting things to get interesting. I could not think of anyone who would have had enough room for us, so I moved my boy into my bed in the living room and tried to go back to sleep. I managed to, and nothing happened, but I feel so weird this morning. I have never had to deal with anything like this before. I feel like I have failed my son in providing him with a safe place to live. My little area in my building seems to be ok, though, even though the other day a whole bunch of dudes were working on a car right next to mine and the contact high I could have gotten would have been crazy.( Zefram wasn't home that day.) <br /><br />Why are people so damned stupid? And why do I, as a reasonably intelligent, responsible person have to deal with them? I leave everyone else alone. I take care of myself and my boy. What right do idiots with guns have to disrupt my life? I hope the dumb bastard rots in jail. <br /><br />I don't feel safe here and I don't know what to do to make it better.urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bettyshouse:14158As it stands now2008-11-24T06:18:38Z2008-11-24T06:18:38ZSo here is how things are right now. <br /><br />We had to move about a month ago. I couldn't afford to stay in the 3 bedroom house we had been living in in Central Phoenix, because Louis had to find a place out in Queen Creek big enough for him and his 2 kids. So now I live in a one bedroom place not far from Zefram's school, 600 square feet for $495. Kinda ghetto, but it could be worse. Our former landlady is trying to screw us out of our deposit. She owes us a lot of money. Louis is going to file papers with the court this week. They charged us more than the legal limit for a deposit, which is bullshit. We aren't going to just roll over and take it, either. Hopefully the process will work in our favor. <br /><br />Louis has a nice house out there. It's an hour and ten minutes one way from my place. Nice 'hood, it's just a million miles from everything. I can't live out there. I'll make do with the hovel as long as I can. I am tired of sleeping on a hide a bed but it could be worse.......it works for the time being. <br /><br />Working a lot at the store. Heidi has been on vacation and I have worked a LOT. I also do eBay and a little cleaning on the side...I seem to have evolved into living my life $10 an hour at a time. It works, for now. I miss Louis very much and am really looking forward to when we can live together again. But I am kind of proud that I am doing this on my own. Still sucks to be a poor single mother AGAIN. I thought I had left this behind. <br /><br />Louis is still doing the d. v. counseling and it will end in February, which is when we hope the stupid ass judge will let him off probation. This is apparently the standard practice. He has had no violations. DUH! I will be so glad when all this legal bullshit is done. Maybe we can finally have a life and maybe, just maybe, get married someday. He doesn't want to marry me until he knows he can take care of me. I don't plan to stop working or anything but it will be nice to have help. Besides, Heidi would kill me if I ever quit the store! :-D Louis's job is going very well and he has impressed the bosses. He should be able to get back to his Master's program within the next year so he can finally get the damned degree.<br /><br />Nobody is ever going to influence our lives this much ever again. I hope Shannon Roundtree dies alone and unloved. She deserves it, for all the hell she has put others through. And I am now done giving that energy. <br /><br />My grandson is the best baby ever...he is 2 months old and looks just like my daughter. Sometimes I look at him and say, "Oh...I remember you...didn't you used to be a little girl, though?" He's doing very well and I don't get to see him enough...but hopefully that will change soon. He is the best gift I have had in a long time!!<br /><br />Just trying to stay on top of stuff and pay bills. I still have time for fun as long as it's cheap. Had fun with Lolita last week at Happy Days and fun with Doc and Jodey over the weekend. We have all figured out ways to make things work with little money. <br /><br />But I would give anything to have Louis free again, right now. I do plan to surprise him on December 6th-I found this great vintage-style barber shop downtown that will give him a full treatment for $40-hair trim, shave, facial, shoeshine and other stuff. I just want him to have something nice done for him. He deserves it. <br /><br />That's all.urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bettyshouse:13998Nicked from Tayva2008-11-24T05:58:43Z2008-11-24T05:58:43ZMake a post (public, friends locked, filtered...whatever you're comfortable with) to your LJ. The post should contain your list of 10 holiday wishes. The wishes can be anything at all, from simple and fandom-related ("I'd love a Snape/Hermione icon that's just for me") to medium ("I wish for _____ on DVD") to really big ("All I want for Christmas is a new car/computer/house/TV.") The important thing is, make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.<br /><br />- If you wish for real life things (not fics or icons), make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it's your address or just your email address where Santa (or one of his elves) could get in touch with you.<br /><br />- Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your LJ.<br /><br />Step Two<br /><br />- Surf around your friends list (or friends friends, or just random journals) to see who has posted their list. And now here's the important part:<br /><br />- If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true. Sometimes someone's trash is another's treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don't want or a gift certificate you won't use - or even know where you could get someone's dream purebred Basset Hound for free - (Marianne notes: shelter dogs and rescues are really the way to go, though) do it.<br /><br />You needn't spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out, it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday elf - to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not - it's your call.<br /><br />There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Just...wish, and it might come true. Give, and you might receive. And you'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special.<br /><br />1. Rowenta Professional Grade Iron<br />2. WonderWash <a href="http://www.laundry-alternative.com/products/Wonderwash.html#faq">http://www.laundry-alternative.com/products/Wonderwash.html#faq</a><br />3. Red or Black Remix Shoes to dance in, size 8.5 or 9<br />4.Sewing/Alterations classes at Phoenix College<br />5. ProActive Cleanser<br />6. Money to take Louis suit, hat and shoe shopping<br />7. Money to take my boy to the Lego Store<br />8. Lessons on how to do my hair better on my own<br />9. Gift cards to Fry's, Boston Market, Target<br />10. New contacts<br /><br />Jenny Kuller<br />4811 N. 15th Avenue #2<br />Phoenix, AZ 85015urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bettyshouse:13388bettyshouse @ 2008-09-18T23:12:002008-09-19T06:18:44Z2008-09-19T06:18:44Z<p>Being philosophical here....is it better to keep yourself reined in so your life is uncomplicated or should one live life to the fullest and just deal with the complications? What is right? Is it better to just experience as much as you can as long as you don't hurt anyone? Or should you temper everything with logic so that you can be happy knowing that you have truly made the right choices?</p><p>How much is too much? When should enough be enough? If you have gorged yourself at the trough of experience, is it better?<br /><br />I'm tired, and most of my role models are dead. Sometimes my obsession with the past weighs heavy on me. Yet I always come back to it. I know no other way to make me happy. <br /><br />There are few things I regret because I value the lessons I have learned in life. I just wish I was smarter sometimes and could process things in better, more constructive ways. <br /><br />Just feeling pensive tonight. <br /> </p>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bettyshouse:13115Annoyed2008-08-18T07:50:04Z2008-08-18T07:50:04ZOk, so I am trying to make this: <a href="http://www.pettipond.com/lon.htm">http://www.pettipond.com/lon.htm</a><br /><br />And I am realizing that nine yards of net is a FUCKING lot of stuff. Cutting it is a PAIN IN THE ASS. I don't know how anyone could make one of these in three hours. I messed it up and I made the top too shirt so if I put the last ruffle on I will have a pretty good SHORT petticoat. Way too short for my dresses. I think I may have to start all over again. I HATE sewing without visual directions and without a regular pattern-it is so hard for me to sew blind. I always fuck it up, without fail. I bought 45 yards of net the other day (it was half off at Joann) in five different colors. I cut the goddamn layers too skinny and gathering this stuff is INSANE. I had to improvise a waistband because there are no directions for one. I'm just not that good of a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants sewer.<br /><br />I need a week where everyone leaves me alone to sew and I don't get interrupted. I need to figure this out. I know I will have to start all over and i HATE doing that. I like to be done with things once I start something and see it through. <br /><br />In other random news, Louis was trimming his moustache and fucked it up, so he had to shave it all off and has no face fur at the moment. I woke up to his sweet smooth baby face look this morning. He looks a lot younger, but I like him furry better. It kinda turned me on, like it was him but yet...he thought that was funny. I think it's been 5 years or so since I have seen him without fuzz!<br /><br />I miss random sex. We have very limited time and we have had sex twice in the last month. That is BULLSHIT. Hopefully this lawyer we have now will get him home (probation transferred to Maricopa County) and I can have nights with him again. We still won't be able to go out but that's ok. We'll find something to do. It seems like years since I was tied up and properly paid attention to. No wonder I am cranky all the time!<br /><br />Argh.urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bettyshouse:12929Gross miscarriage of justice-tell Channel 3!2008-07-20T22:13:34Z2008-07-20T22:13:34Z<span>News Tips:<br />Phone: 602-207-3443<br /><br />Channel Three News.<br style="display: none;" /><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">This is beyond just my case. I believe in the law. I believe in the court system, but it is only as good as the people running it. No matter what you think of the defendant they are innocent until PROVEN guilty, the burden of that proof in on the Prosecution and the standard must be held by the judge. We have this system just so an unsubstantiated accusation by one person is not enough to convict. No matter what the crime. The court cannot become a tool for an abuser.</span><br style="display: none;" /><br style="font-style: italic;" /><br style="font-style: italic;" /><span style="font-style: italic;">The case number is <b>DV2005-0152 (Pinal County)</b> , just ask them to look into it.</span><br style="display: none;" /><br style="font-style: italic;" /><br style="font-style: italic;" /><br /><br style="display: none;" />You actually talk to a person, just make it brief. We cannot let this go until this great wrong has been righted. This is Louis' LIFE, and mine too. Because of this whole bullshit, he may find it very hard to find a teaching job someday, which is what he was wanted to do his whole life. And that nasty <span style="font-weight: bold;">lying under oath</span> bitch <span style="font-weight: bold;">Shannon Price Roundtree</span> has WAAAAAY too much power over things, thanks to the "Honorable" Judge Dennis Lusk and the Apache Junkyard "Justice" Court.. We just need someone in power to listen and look at the case and see that<span style="font-style: italic; text-decoration: underline; font-weight: bold;"> he was convicted on nothing but her testimony</span>. Now she is terrorizing Louis' daughter and trying to force Mandy to see her. It's not about anyone else but Shannon. All she wants to do is hurt and destroy and she should not be able to. She needs to go away.<br /><br />I'm not giving up. A great wrong has been done to a truly good man. We just want our goddamn lives back that these ignorant pissants have taken away from us.</span>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bettyshouse:12592NOT "Justice" in Pinal County2008-07-18T04:58:18Z2008-07-18T04:58:18Z<table><tbody><tr><td><font size="2"> <span>NOT "Justice" in Pinal County</span> </font></td> </tr> <tr> <th> Body: </th> <td style="" class="blacktextnb10"> <font size="2"> <span>After our trip out to Apache Junkyard "Justice" Court: Two fucking years supervised probation. He actually has to live out there in that godforsaken backwater. The probation officer seems to have a half a brain, so maybe he will be reasonable within a few months. In the meantime, we live apart. We are going to keep the house come hell or high water. I am going to just have to work my ass off to help. Oh, and he is not allowed to go into places that serve alcohol. So god knows when we get to dance again. Or go out, because he has an 8pm curfew. In Apache Junkyard. He just got a good new job-at 46th Avenue and Glendale. I wonder how many hundreds of dollars we will be spending in gas now.<br style="display: none;" /><br /> <br /><br />He doesn't have to go to jail. That is a good thing. That is about all that is good.<br style="display: none;" /><br /><br /><br />This from Louis:<br />"I want to thank everyone for their support through this whole court thing. about 20 people were there in court with me and 30 or more letters and it was great to know that I had so many friends that cared. Unfortunately all of that was trumped by a letter to the court from Shannon {Louis' cunty ex who caused all this trouble}. She was mad because I did not force Mandy to see her on Monday and took the opportunity to slam me where she could. So I'll be living in Pinal County for a while with an 8pm curfew and unable to go to any of the places where we dance and hang out. This is what life throws at you and I'll do the best I can with it, I am going to work hard to keep the house and take care of my family until this is all over and see where I am then. My fight for the truth of all this will continue but I must say that today I am feeling more than a little defeated. I've survived this long, I can survive through this."<br /><br style="display: none;" /><br /><br /><br />My brain hurts. My heart hurts. We have been living with this bullshit for so long I wish I could vomit it all up and have it be gone from me. I don't care about much of anything at the moment. Everything seems so trivial and stupid to me. The worst part is that those asshats out there really think he is a monster. That fucking nancyboy prosecutor really went for blood and used the words "brutally assaulted"....where are the pictures? Where is the doctor's report? Oh yes, that's right-the stupid cow refused medical attention at the scene. The police noted that she had no signs of injury. So where are they getting this assaulted bullshit? <br /><br />None of the 20 odd letters that we got on Louis' behalf got read. None. We had over 15 people there today and it didn't even matter. <b>I bet there is so much corruption and back room dealing going on out there in Apache Junkyard...someone should investigate. </b>It is the Wild West out there, I swear. I never want to set foot in that fucking backward dipshit town ever again.<br /><br />I don't like to be alone. It scares me. I am pretty much blind when I take my contacts out and I don't hear very well...if something happened in the middle of the night I wouldn't know what to do. This is one of the reasons I am with Louis, dammit. Big strong he-man protector guy. Yeah, he's really dangerous. That fucking judge, "Honorable" Dennis Lusk, is so wrong, he doesn't even know. I wish these people in positions of authority could see past the little boxes they have to squeeze people into and see the goddamn HUMANITY that is REALITY. <br /><br />Fuck everything. <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></span></font></td></tr></tbody></table>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bettyshouse:12290Ugh!2008-06-15T05:15:18Z2008-06-15T05:15:18ZI'm having a weird chick moment. <br /><br />I am looking at these pictures that Lolita took of me yesterday modeling the house dresses at Hollywood Regency, and I think I look so....blah. I look like a mom. Like a mom trying too hard, I think. Have I hit the wall? Do I dress too young? Should I face the fact that I am 37 and should stop trying to look like a 50s teenybopper? <br /><br />Christ, am I OLD?<br /><br />In a couple of those pictures, I see my grandmother's legs. It is very scary. I have really fat legs, good lord. At least you can see that I do still have ankles, but for how long? <br /><br />I am attributing some of this feeling to the fact that I am PMSing, but it was floating around my brain way before that. Maybe because I hang around with girls 7-10 years younger than me (except for Heidi) and they all haven't the saggyness that I have. I usually don't let this bother me but I just am not happy with things and how they are aging at the moment. I feel gross tonight. I want to wear a head to toe foundation garment to keep it all in place. I realize that lately I do NOT like going out in a skirt or dress unless I have things contained below. I didn't used to be like that! I have been talking a little too affectionately about my split girdle. I wonder if I should be worried? <br /><br />I wanna be a glamour girl, dammit! I just don't think I can pull it off anymore, if I ever could. I suppose I should just resign myself to being The Mom. <br /><br />At least I am not a soccer mom. There is something to be said for that.urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bettyshouse:12093bettyshouse @ 2008-06-05T22:14:002008-06-06T05:25:58Z2008-06-06T05:25:58ZI have lost complete faith in the justice system. I realize that judges are fallible, like regular people. This judge is <b>WRONG.</b><br /><br />Fucking judge tells Louis today that <b>HE HAS TO MOVE BACK TO PINAL COUNTY WITHIN 30 DAYS</b>. Because, you know, it's not like we have a <b>LIFE</b> here in Phoenix or something. Louis asked if the case could be moved to Maricopa County, <b>WHICH IS WHERE WE LIVE and have for the last three years</b>, but, no. <br /><br />There is simply no motherfucking way that this can happen. Even if there <i>was </i>a job market out there, we couldn't afford it, the kids go to school out here, and gas is over four bucks a gallon and there is NO goddamn way I would want to live out there. Fucking hillbillies and white trash, as evidenced by the Apache Junction court. Fucking cowboys.<br /><br />He might go to jail if he doesn't comply. The most time is 6 months. <br /><br />They really think he is a bad person. They really think he did this thing to Cuntface (his ex-wife), because she lied on the stand and said Louis did all these things to her. Where is the physical evidence? Why did she NOT go to the doctor afterwards? She actually REFUSED medical attention at the scene. Why did NOBODY take pictures of her "injuries"? <b>BECAUSE THERE WERE NONE. BECAUSE SHE LIED. SHE LIED UNDER OATH AND GOT AWAY WITH IT AND NOW A GOOD MAN IS SUFFERING FOR IT. </b><br /><br />I hope she rots in hell. She isn't worth the spit on the bottom of my shoe. <br /><br />Don't <b>EVER</b> get in trouble in Pinal County.urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bettyshouse:11812bettyshouse @ 2008-05-25T20:57:002008-05-26T04:14:02Z2008-05-26T04:14:02ZSo, things are better now. I FINALLY got the new license plate last Thursday so I am able to drive completely legally again. I tell you, I will NEVER be unaware of insurance again. Years of letting others handle it are over. I still don't understand what it all means, but at least I have what I need to drive. <br /><br />Louis goes back to court on June 6th for his hearing. This is the final one where he is sentenced for his the original conviction. We are thinking that he will just have probation and counseling. I hope. No more jail time. Think good thoughts. <br /><br />This is a busy week. The dancing on TV thing Tuesday morning. Working with my friend Kathy tomorrow on an estate sale. Thursday night is the first Wrigley Mansion swing night of the year, and I think it will be great fun! It's the first time that my friend Doc will be going, and I am excited for him to see it and be there with all of us Chippies. He loves us, and is the Official Artist of the Arizona Chippies, you know. :-D<br /><br />I have to sell Sylvia's stuff. I HAVE to get it done and off my plate. I hate dealing with her because now she is pissed off at me but it's my own fault. I never should have let it go this long. I hate selling clothes but her parent's stuff is vaudeville clothes from the 20s, plus pictures of them in the clothes! I won't make much but I committed. I have to get it done. <br /><br />I want to sew. I have so many outfits in my head right now....and with my success this last week of the two dresses I made, I am pretty confident of my ability. I always go in to a project thinking it's too hard for me...I've been sewing for 20 years-I think I know a few things by now. I just need to keep making stuff to keep improving! Just wish I had more time to do it. <br /><br />Had a wonderful time with my Chippies yesterday at the lunch...such zaniness. I was strangely reticent, though-I don't know why. I wasn't sad or pissed off or anything-I just felt a little removed from stuff. I was pretty quiet but had a wonderful time. I do wish I had Lolita's lack of self-consciousness, Dixie's ability to hold liquor, Daisy's self-confidence, Desi's striking eyebrows, Pink's pretty slim legs and Alicia's thick curly hair and earthy presence. I just feel so old lately! I don't know why. I know I concentrate on that too much, and I shouldn't. I just wish I wasn't so self-conscious. <br /><br />Ah well. There are very many good things right now, and I am going to enjoy them while I can. I also found that I like a really good beer I have never been aware of-Stella Artois. Good shit!urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bettyshouse:11683bettyshouse @ 2008-05-15T13:14:002008-05-15T20:24:14Z2008-05-15T20:24:14ZSo Louis is going to his hearing tomorrow, out in fucking podunk Pinal County. He is going to have the same asshole racist judge that he had for the original trial and conviction. Louis appealed the conviction, but lost, of course. Fucking judge could sentence him to a max 6 months in jail, or just a weekend. Or whatever the hell he wants to do. This means that after tomorrow, I may not see Louis at home for 6 months. I would have to go see him in fucking Florence. I hate Pinal County. Fucking racist cowboys. I hate Louis' stupid worthless cunt of an ex who did this to him. I hope she fucking rots in hell. I swear to god, if she ever says two words to me I will fucking kill her mangy ass. Then the Chippies can all visit us both.<br /><br />My car insurance bullshit is taking a long time also, but should be resolved by Tuesday. I have to get an SR-22, and I have to make sure that I do NOT let the insurance lapse at ALL for three years, or I could have my license suspended. Because I am such a bad person, you know. Louis and I both are such dangers to society that we need to be punished. <br /><br />Fuck everything. What's the goddamn point? You do your best and play by the rules and you get ass raped. No wonder people move to the goddamn middle of nowhere.urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bettyshouse:11317BLUE!2008-05-12T17:16:37Z2008-05-12T17:16:37Z Most of you know that my daughter lost a baby at 35 weeks last year. I won't recap it because there is no need to. What alot of you don't know is that she is prego again-and is right now at 20 weeks. I haven't said much about it for obvious reasons-I am cautiously excited and haven't told too many people. I was kind of waiting for the ultrasound she had today to get excited. I was unable to be there because of the car shit, but she got pictures and they just brought them over to me to see. <br /><br />BOYBOYBOYBOY!!!!!<br /><br /> Think BLUE, I am going to have a grandson!!!! He looks good, as good as fuzzy ultrasound pictures can be, at least. They did a very comprehensive job and will continue to closely monitor her....she is the glowing picture of health too. She is so pretty right now. Now I get to go make boy things!!!!! <br /><br />So whatever deity you pray to, or whatever belief system you have, send up some prayers for my grandson and his safe arrival into the world. No baby was ever wanted so much as little Kaden Joseph Bristow. :-)urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bettyshouse:11167bettyshouse @ 2008-05-11T03:49:002008-05-11T11:05:40Z2008-05-11T11:05:40ZThings just really suck at the moment.<br /><br />Driving home from dancing, we were going to meet Doc and Chris at 5 and Diner for a nibble. We got pulled over because my plates are suspended. DMV thinks I don't have insurance ( I do-it's under Louis' name) because my name is different than Louis'.and Geico cannot seem to communicate to the DMV that I do have insurance. They ran Louis' license and he had an outstanding warrant. So they arrested him. And took my fucking license plate. Doc and Chris got me home ok. Thank the gods for amazing friends.<br /><br />the warrant is from the domestic violence bullshit that happened with his crazy cunt of an ex wife-bitch went after HIM one night, called the police after, accused him of shit and he got busted. Stupid crying white lady, big black man. Guess who lost? He went to court, got convicted, had to do this anger management crap. We thought it was over. Apparently not. The last time he had to deal with anything was over 2 YEARS ago. And they are going to take him out to fucking Pinal County because that's where the warrant came from. Neato!<br /><br />So you can all rest easy that such a dangerous criminal is off the streets tonite, okay? God knows Louis is such a danger to society with his Master's degree and plans to open up a school to teach kids to think again. All the drug dealers and illegals out there are safe for a night because you know, we were causing so many problems, driving NOT drunk and NOT over the goddamn speed limit.<br /><br />Oh yeah, I have to find a fucking thousand dollars to bail him out. Hopefully Sunday. It's Mother's Day. Uh huh.<br /><br />And his car got repo'd a few days ago. Payment is behind. Money is tight. <br /><br />I sleep alone tonight. If I can sleep. If you comment, don't tell me to stay positive. I will accept platitudes later. Right now I don't want to hear anything but ideas on how I can find a thousand dollars TODAY.urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bettyshouse:10833BDSM Swingers=Unicorns?2008-04-28T17:25:31Z2008-04-28T17:25:31ZFabulous, wonderful weekend....but i will write more on that later...i need to rant a bit. i am tired as all hell of the "swing lifestyle"...we have a profile on SLS and even though we have met a few cool people on there over the last few years, i don't think anyone could believe how hard it is to find decent people to mess around with! Maybe we are too picky or something, but dammit, it is SO HARD to match up with like minded people. We make no bones about the BDSM part of our lives, and i am going to assume it simply scares people off. The thing is, we make it clear that we do NOT expect others to submit to Master, we don't NEED them too-we want to have regular old sex with others as much as the vanillas do. It just so happens that we have our own thing and it is a part of who we are. (i have also figured out that we are freaks among the freaks, because in the BDSM camp, actual sex seems to be secondary and very rarely do any of them swing. It is almost alien there in Kinkland. I don't understand that at all, but i do not judge them-to each their own.) Master had invited all these couples from SLS to the meet and greet at The Door on Saturday night, and do you think ANYONE showed up? Not ONE couple showed up, and we sat there, trying to figure out if anyone already there had possibilities. It is SO fucking Scottsdale out there. Now, i know i sound like a snot, and i'm sorry. But i have been to a million of those M&Gs and they are all the same. i also really think my collar scares them off. i wish i could wear a sign saying "we just want to swing too!" and have them understand. Sigh. Master says we are done with SLS. Maybe somewhere we can find some couples who fucking get it. Where the hell are all the freaks like us??!!<br /> <br /> <br /> What do we want? We want a Master/slave type couple (or a couple who is not scared off by us), where the slave girl is bisexual and loves to play with girls, like me. We could do other things, too, with clothes on-you know, be regular people! She would not have to submit to my Master, as hopefully she would have her own Master and that Master would be like mine-comfortable and happy to let His girl play. i want to be beaten side by side with this girl. i want to be tied up with this girl and made to play with her. i want, for once, to watch another be beaten in real time, with real reactions. my Master would not touch her unless permission was given, and likewise! Why is this so hard to find? It is all about talking and setting up boundaries with others and being honest. It would also be great to be able to hang out with a couple like this, just doing mundane shit like having a drink or watching movies or something. Are there any non-pretentious COOL M/s couples out there, for god's sake? We are REAL people who have made a choice to live a BDSM lifestyle who also like to swing. We hate the snooty Scottsdale swinger crowd. We are SO done with that. <br /><br />i want a girl to play with. Someone i can giggle with while i am doing lovely sexy things to her body. Master loves to watch and doesn't have to join in. i meet so many women who say, "well, me and my partner had sex with this one couple and the girl was happy to let me do things to her while giving nothing back...and she was kinda drunk at the time...." . WTF? Bodies are made to be enjoyed, man or woman. That is one thing that has always bothered me about the "swing lifestyle"-all the drinking that goes on. I have always participated in adventures dead sober, and i love being able to remember what the hell i was doing. Plus, if you have to make a judgment call, you can do it because you're not all fucked up! Some of those gotta-get-drunk-to-fuck people totally turn me off. Walk into it with your brain fully engaged, otherwise you are fooling yourself about wanting to be there. <br /><br />If i sound judgmental, i am truly sorry. This is just how i see it. i am cranky because i just want a girlie to play with. Rawr. ;-)urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bettyshouse:10572bettyshouse @ 2008-04-23T12:50:002008-04-23T19:51:21Z2008-04-23T19:51:21Z<font size="2" face="Verdana,Geneva, Arial, sans-serif"> Master said He was going to re-set the baseline this week; basically,get us to a place where I am thinking like a slave again, having it spill over into real life like we had started to do last year. I went to see a friend last night, and I was 4 minutes late getting home. I got a little extra during my beating last night but it wasn't as bad as I feared it was going to be. Maybe because it wasn't a huge transgression, but I will certainly try to not be late again-it's more about respect, really. I don't want to misbehave just for the sake of being a brat. I like walking the line. I like being good. I like having Master be happy with me. Strange night last night. Master knows how much I love bondage, so He played with more rope than usual. He bound my knees, ankles, forearms and wrists, then tied me to the bed stretched longwise, and left me for about 15 minutes. I had to talk myself down from some claustrophobia-it was very hard. Having my knees tied together was the hardest part because it hurt the most, lying on my stomach. Tied up like that, you are left alone with your thoughts and with very little external stimuli, your mind can go to some weird places. I kept straining to hear His footsteps in the hall, and I kept jumping at shadows from the candlelight. He had left the door open in case I needed to call Him, so I knew I was safe, but it was still weird. It put me in such a strange place in my head. He came back and I was pretty much ready for anything, I was so dying for His attention. He lashed me a bit with the small leather cat that is finally falling apart (it was a cheapie anyway-but still leaves lovely little red stripes on me) and then did a little with the rubber flogger. He was more interested in the rope last night than beating me. He took me, hard, after He untied me, then we laid around for a little while, me on top of Him, doing some Master worship. I begged to kiss Him, and He generously let me, and Christ, if I didn't just lose myself completely...I went to this place in my head that I don't get to very often. It is hard to describe, but I feel very small and tiny and completely open to anything He wants. It is dark but exactly where I want to be. I started quietly begging Him to hurt me, to take me, I just needed so much to be taken over and used and engulfed. It's the closest I have ever been to wanting to lose myself in him. I have never wanted to give all of myself to someone as much as I did last night. I would have literally done anything for Him, and when He threw me over onto my back and bit me on my neck, really hard, I almost screamed at the top of my lungs. ( Kids were asleep across the hall-so I couldn't.) He took me again and I have never felt so submissive-my entire world at that moment was Him and whatever He wanted. I feel different this morning. I feel more truly my slave-self. Sucks that the kids are out of school today because I just want to be alone to process this and my son needs so damned much from me. I want to figure this out, I want to embrace this newness and see where it goes. I feel strong yet weak. I feel like I could just do anything today. It's weird-by giving in I feel so much stronger. I am glad that He is there to protect me because in this state I am so suggestible-I would give in because it makes me happy to do so, and it would be dangerous to just do that for anyone. That is why I have such conflict when I have to discipline my son-it goes against my nature. But, I have to do it, and I will-parenting is just as important and I am shaping a life here. I love nights with Master where I can throw off the duty of parenthood and just be slave. Be ME. Be Master's girl. <br /></font>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bettyshouse:10329Stripes2008-04-22T16:06:34Z2008-04-22T16:06:34ZI've said it before, I'll say it again-rattan canes HURT like a motherfucker. There is no getting around the sting of a nice cane, administered by a sadistic Daddy who loves to use it, over and OVER again on the SAME GODDAMN place on my ass. There is no wonder they used them in schools-talk about a motivator. Nasty little fuckers. And yet, I can't get enough of it. I have a long red stripe down the back of each thigh now, in that place where the taut muscles are, where it stings for hours after the stroke is left. I was admiring my marks this morning, heeheehee, sick little bitch that I am. <br />Master says he was "re-setting the baseline", which is why I got a pretty good hard session last night. It included the cane, crop, little vicious rubber flogger that HURTS more than anything else (including the cane-it leaves more little bruises!), the heavy leather paddle and of course, His hands. He actually works up a bit of a sweat when he is beating me now. I guess I can take more than I used to, although I know there are other slaves out there who can take incredible amounts of beating and not let out a peep. I asked Him if He wanted me to be stoic and just bear it, not move and not make a sound, and His answer was a very clear NO-He likes to hear me react and see me dance around. Thank god, because if I had to process all that sensation without movement or sound I would go bonkers. It's so funny-I'll scream for Him to STOP-then immediately apologize for it and beg Him to continue. We've been doing this for 3 years now, off and on, more on than off really, and you would think that at some point I would get used to it. He loves it when I fight the restraints. I can't help it sometimes. I really don't want to get away-I think that is just pure instinct. I love it, though-the tighter the rope, the better. I love looking over and seeing the rope or the chain taut and knowing that <b>I CAN'T GET AWAY</b>. I have been tying myself up since I was little. It is such a happy place for me. I know how lucky I am that I have found the perfect Master for me. <br /><br />He stands over me, poised, with an implement of ouchie in His hand, and I can always see the glitter of lustful sadism in His eyes. Considering what a kind and gentle person He is in everyday life, the contrast always makes me hot. He truly loves to hurt me. And then after, after He has broken me and I am done crying and blubbering and cowering at His feet, we always go to sleep with me on His chest and His arms around me. I know that I am safe, safe in the arms of this great Master who 10 minutes before was causing me great pain. I would truly do anything for Him, He fulfills me in ways I never knew were empty.urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bettyshouse:10208Friday night2008-04-22T04:23:38Z2008-04-22T04:23:38ZSo, Master has been talking to this woman on another site. She is married but plays alone with her husband's consent. She is a domme and has had much experience with sub men, but apparently not much with subs like me. They have been talking for some time, and I was informed a few days ago that she is coming over to the house on Friday to hang out a bit and probably play. I talked to her on the phone and she sounds nice. Master has let me read some of her emails they have exchanged and I have no problems with meeting her....my trepidation comes from the fact that she is a female-chicks can be so MEAN! Now, I am not backing out because to be honest, the idea of being with a Dom and a Domme makes me all melty inside, and I sincerely hope that I perform well. This is the first time I have ever done anything like this, and I am just a little leery. I realized today I don't know how to address her, am I supposed to not look her directly in the eye, etc. Master says He will instruct me as to what to do. He says I will be serving them some snacks, which I fervently hope means that I will be on hands and knees and my back will be their snack table! Just being with another who "gets it" will be thrilling. There is talk of tying me up and being forced to watch them but not participate...giggle...and of course I am going to assume that I will be used up one side and down the other. Apparently she has a paddle that imprints words on one's ass. She told Daddy she has a present for me. <shiver> Should I be a-scared? ;-)<br /><br />I just hope I perform well and make Daddy proud. I want to be a good girl. And then He told me tonight that the entire weekend I will be HIS. I am very excited....He said that I can be allowed to go to the dinner on Saturday night with my Chippies, but I have to come home after that. He has something planned but won't tell me what. He did say, though, that I may have to sleep in quite late on Sunday, as I will be tired. And that I may even be finally, completely, satiated. It is killing me to not know, but I love the suspense. All I have to do is be good and do what I am told, yes? I totally trust Him, of course. <br /><br />I'd rather be a slave girlie than a Master type any day of the week. ;-)urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bettyshouse:9874Back to the nasty.....2008-04-22T00:27:09Z2008-04-22T00:27:09Z<font size="2" face="Verdana,Geneva, Arial, sans-serif"> I don't know how other people with kids do this lifestyle. I can't imagine that they would want the kids being aware of the nature of a BDSM relationship! So, I have read all over the place about how other Masters and slaves do it, and all I can glean from it is that it is going to be difficult until they are gone. We have so many years to wait until the kids are gone, argh. Lately, I have been dying to delve deeper into making it more real-time, but it's just not possible. It is SO HARD to switch between being the Mom and being the slave....sometimes I really have to work to drag my brain out of slave-space and into Mom space. There are nights that I just want to throw myself on the floor at His feet and grovel with my ass in the air, completely helpless and open to whatever. I want to be His dinner table and footstool. I want to see how far we can take it. I know this is who I am, even though there are other aspects of me that I show to the outside world that I like as well. I love the various jobs that I do to make money, and I am still a mother. Being Master's girl is a huge part of who I am now , though, and I hate to have to hide it. But it would be wrong to expose kids to that, of course, so the BDSM can only happen when they are not around or whatever. It is hard, so hard to hide it. I love being owned and love expressing it by being put into restraints, wearing my big collar and being used. I think we are back into a groove now. More blog later. </font>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bettyshouse:9653bettyshouse @ 2008-04-13T17:56:002008-04-14T01:06:17Z2008-04-14T01:06:17ZI like hooking people up, especially when they are in need. I like running through my mental Rolodex, seeing if there is one particular person I know that can help whomever it is I am talking to at the moment....and sometimes it leads to a happy thing. I was on MySpace this morning and noticed a bulletin from the Wayne Hancock people, saying they were broken down in Long Beach, needing a new alternator. Well, even though my brother and I don't get along very well, I knew that he lives at a Harley shop there and if there is one thing he knows about, it is cars and greasy shit. So, I sent the Hancock people his number and where he lives/works, and damned if my brother didn't end up fixing it for them, and getting to hang out with the whole bunch! I have been talking to a woman in the group off and on all day on MySpace, and it sounds like it all just worked out fabulously! My brother can be an ass and has been to me on many of an occasion, but I guess I am a softie at heart. I knew he was depressed and that this would really rock his world. I sincerely hope he had a good day with all of them. I don't expect a thank you or anything, and probably won't get one, but it's cool. I suppose that sometimes you just do shit and hope it all works out. One good thing-it is going to keep Wayne Hancock and his wonderful music on the road, and the world needs more of that!!!urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bettyshouse:9469For all my frustrated women friends...and open minded men...2008-03-22T02:09:44Z2008-03-22T02:09:44ZI give you this. It is art. It is .....so fucking funny you will have no ass after you have read it, as it will have been laughed off. You will love me for making you aware of it.<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vd3d3LmNyYWlnc2xpc3Qub3JnL2Fib3V0L2Jlc3Qvc2VhLzU2MTg3NzYyMi5odG1s">http://www. craigslist. org/about/best/sea/561877622. html</a>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bettyshouse:9183Nice things today2008-03-21T23:58:03Z2008-03-21T23:58:03ZSomeone who I thought did not like me anymore, who was once someone I looked at as a kind of mentor/friend/big sister, saw the TV segment today that I was on, and told Heidi to tell me that I looked about 22! Now, I know that’s not how I look in real life, obviously, but it was a hell of a nice thing to hear! I know that the camera is supposed to put on ten pounds, but I had no idea it could take off 15 years too!!! Seriously, that was a wonderful thing to hear. I was very happy with how the segment looked, and that Heidi’s store got three name checks, and Lolita got one! <br /><br />Oh, and I got the "you look like Lucille Ball" comment about 4 times too....guess I ought to embrace the Lucy and go with it! I can think of worse people to be compared to...and I have always loved Lucy, so yahoo!<br /><br />It was fun. And tomorrow is the Chippie Lunch and I finally got my friend Daisy to come out, so I am VERY happy to be doing that! I'm going to wear my pretty new 40s looking spectator pumps with the peep toes. They fucking ROCK.<br /><br />Life is good at this moment in time. I’m very grateful for it!<br /><br /><br />Louis and I talked, and it's good now. We just needed to clear the air. He <b>wants</b> to marry me, he just wants to be in a better place money-wise. He knows it may never be perfect but he wants it to be as good as he can get it. There are other things too, but nothing that anyone wants to hear about. And part of all this trouble is that sex has kind of fallen into the " I'm too tired" zone. We are going to find our way back to Kinkland. Then I'll have lots of dirty bedtime stories to tell again. With a warning at the beginning so Lolita doesn't have to read about butt sex. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA<br /><br />Yes, things are happy today. Off to make more Chippie Pins for the new girls!urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bettyshouse:8879Happy thing2008-03-19T21:30:04Z2008-03-19T21:30:04ZOne nice thing today-I frequent the 99¢ Only store at 12th street and Northern quite a bit, and they just opened up a Fresh n Easy there in the same strip about a month ago. They have nice things in there, and very frequent markdowns! I got 2 half pints of blueberries for a buck fifty each, and a large box of a Berry Medley for $2.50. It's already gone. You can get meat there pretty cheap too. I am pretty impressed with the quality. Not alot of selection, but if that's the only thing I can come up with....anyway, they have a little sample area too, and I can tell you that the store brand pineapple juice is the SHIT. It is SOOOOOOOOOOOO good and 100% juice. I plan to go in there quite a bit and buy the markdown meat. As long as I use it the same day or freeze it, it's fine. I have the wimpiest stomach ever, so if I can digest it, you know it's ok. I have never had a problem. I know how to bargain shop really well, but I never buy things past the date. Ever.<br /><br />Incidentally, the 99 cent store has some great stuff right now too. Lots of organic produce and good juice! I spent about $44 total and came home with 6 bags of stuff! I rock! :-Durn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bettyshouse:8639bettyshouse @ 2008-03-19T10:43:002008-03-19T18:27:50Z2008-03-19T18:27:50ZI've been married twice already. I have lived with men before. I know how to have a relationship. What, really, is the difference between living together and just being married? Other than the legal stuff? Is it the importance that one attaches to the state of marriage? <br /><br />He tells me last night in the middle of a long serious talk that we doesn't want to get married until the kids are grown. Until things change from the way they are right now. Meaning, his kid doesn't feel welcome here and my son has issues, which I am <b>very</b> aware of. I am not a kid person, I have tried very hard to like his kids, but they aren't <b>mine </b>and I have no biological connection to them. Hell, when I was kid myself I didn't like other kids...I always wanted to be alone or hang out with the adults! Yes, I am a mother and I love my son and daughter, but that is different-and there are times I am so tired of the mom gig I could scream. I have been a mother for 20 years and there are days that I am so DONE with it. <br /><br />No, I don't especially like his daughter. She annoys me with the whole princess shit and she is a slob. I have tried to nicely show her that it doesn't have to be a mess all the goddamn time. She is not a bad kid at all-I totally acknowledge this, and have actually done some things for her that I felt needed to be done. I have no interest in an emotional relationship with her, though; after my daughter's whole teenage bullshit trip that she put me through I am very gun shy. I am not deliberately mean to her, and if my son is out of line messing with her, I call him on it. I am very fair because that is how it should be. My stepmonster (father) was really awful to me and it was not a good thing, and I don't want to put her through that. But, it's like I am the only one in the goddamn world that doesn't think she's cutesy and sweet and all that sickly girly Hannah Montana bullshit! It annoys the hell out of me! So, I try to interact with her as little as possible, and just be polite and get involved as little as I can. I have no say over her anyway, so why should I care? Yes, that sounds cold, but you have to understand that my own son is very high energy and takes a lot of my time, and quite honestly wears me out. I have nothing left over for any other kid, especially one that's not mine.<br /><br />And no-there is no rivalry going on here either. I know that her relationship with her dad is different than mine with him, and I feel no need to take him away from her. Yes, I would be happy if his kids weren't around as often. But, that is not reality and it wouldn't be right anyway. So, I am trying to deal. But he won't marry me the way things are right now. We've been together almost three years and known each other for 16. Apparently he's afraid that it will alienate his kids. If they haven't figured out by now that we are together for the long haul, they are stupid or ignorant. <br /><br />So, I suppose I have a choice. There is always a choice. Do I want to leave him? No. Do I love him very much? Yes. So, that leaves me in some kind of weird limbo...I know he won't "kick me out" because he is not that kind of person, yet I am just a "girlfriend". Do I have a right to be pissed? I truly don't know. It is my choice to stay, so should I just deal? I hate that if we get married or not depends on whether or not his kids get the vapors over it. It pisses me off! Whether that's right or wrong, this hurts me alot. <br /><br />I took my collar off for the time being too. I am not comfortable wearing it right now. I don't think that he deserves me wearing it either. Yes, I have kind of let him put me in limbo, but it's a two way street when it comes to that aspect of us. He has blown alot of my trust and I do not want to wear my collar right now.<br /><br />I really would like to just crawl under a rock where there are no stupid men or needy children and just sleep for awhile. Just LEAVE. ME. ALONE. Argh. Get out of my space and let me do my thing. Come back when I need you to. How silly and unrealistic is that, eh?<br /><br />Fucking kids. Call me a bad person for saying that, I don't give a shit right now. My advice to those who want kids-don't do it. They suck the life out of you and take you away from anything you want to do for yourself. Everything gets put on hold and sometimes when you want to go back to it, the opportunity is gone. Yes, I made a choice at 17 to keep my baby, and I did my best. Am I a better person for it? I don't know. I am now too old to do so many things that I would have liked to do.I just try to make the best of what I have now, and there are many good things but oh.....the things I could have done. I don't think like this very often but today is apparently one of those days. I am usually trying to be content with the way things are. It's not my kids' fault that I didn't get to have the things I wanted. But I do have regrets. Don't have kids if you want to accomplish anything big that takes a lot of your time, simply because it is not right to bring them into the world and then let other people raise them in daycare or whatever. Get your shit done and then if you still feel you have to have kids, do it then. Yes, there are good moments, and I treasure them. But they are little vampires and it is a very one-sided relationship for a very long time. They are taking and you are giving and most of the time you don't get much back. And I can tell you that no matter how good of a father a man is, it is the mother who does the majority of it. <br /><br />Ok, I suppose that's enough. I'm just sad and pissed off. But mostly sad.urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bettyshouse:8262bettyshouse @ 2008-03-11T23:00:002008-03-12T06:02:52Z2008-03-12T06:02:52ZI swear to all that I hold sacred that if I don't sew something soon I am going to explode. Seeing Pink and Lolita sewing all these cutie-pie things is making me insane! INSANE! <br /><br />I am going to explode into a big gloop of unused creativity if I don't sew SOON. And I found a few really neat vintage patterns today, too! One for PURSES from 1946!!!<br /><br />That is all.